Too many little digs send a marriage to an early grave.
‘Early Grave’. How early can it be? For some, it can be a few years. For some, a few weeks. Only the lucky ones make it through a lifetime.
So, what is the reason for these ‘early graves’? Conflicts, Misunderstandings, Distrust, to name a few. On the surface, it seems like a situational issue, but the reality lies in the emotional compatibility of the married pair.
How can these ‘early graves’ be avoided? Premarital Counselling.
Essentially, the goal of premarital counseling is to identify and address any potential areas of conflict in a relationship early on, before those issues become serious concerns, and teach partners effective measures for discussing and resolving these conflicts.
Partners seeking counseling before marriage may also experience that premarital counseling can help them better identify their expectations about marriage, and address any significant differences in a safe and neutral environment.
To elaborate, premarital counselling helps in:
Creating positive marriage resolutions.
It’s natural to get anxious when discussing heavy-duty topics like money, sex, and kids. An experienced counselor can help guide the conversation in a manner where the thoughts of both you and your partner are taken into consideration, thereby preventing you and your partner from going off on a tangent. It also helps set goals that are mutually agreed upon.
Learning (or improving) conflict resolution skills.
If you’ve had some major tiffs or blowouts in the past (and who hasn’t?) then you both know how you tend to react during arguments, whether it’s using the silent treatment policy or yelling and name-calling. If you’re willing to be honest with yourself, then there’s definitely room for improvement. A counselor will teach you how to listen (to yourself, and your partner) and communicate more effectively; more specifically, they’ll also tell you how to react (and how not to), in order to reach a happy solution.
Getting realistic expectations about timing.
For example, if you agree that the ‘kids’ topic is off the table for two years, then you won’t be left anxious or frustrated when you want to delve into that plan while your partner isn’t ready. This also applies to major decisions like buying a house.
Avoiding toxic resentments.
One of the most important aspects of pre-marital counselling is to clear the air about resentments you’ve been hanging onto throughout your relationship, well before you get into a permanent one. A counselor will help you resolve these issues and free yourselves from them, so that they don’t cause massive damage later on in your marriage.
Dismantling fears about marriage.
It is quite possible that one or both of you might come from a divorced family, or from a dysfunctional background where fighting and manipulation was the norm. Premarital counseling can teach you how to make peace with your past and break the cycle.
It’s always better to fill the holes before they lead to deadly accidents.